According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 73% of family violence victims are female. That means one in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. An estimated 1.3 million women will be victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.   

It’s not easy to spot an abuser, as they do not have a ‘typical’ look about them.  Abusers come in all shapes, ethnic backgrounds, professions, and genders.  Most abusers appear to be very loving to those on the outside but they hold a dark secret behind closed doors.  Abusers often have low self-esteem and they seldom take responsibility for their actions. Abusers may even go as far as to blame the victim for causing the violence and may threaten the children, other family members or pets. They may make threats about suicide to “gain control” as well.   

Because it is so difficult to spot an abuser, you have to look for the victims.  They, on the other hand, are sometimes easier to spot, though it may be difficult to get them to acknowledge or accept the fact that they are being abused.  “Many victims of abuse do not see themselves as victims, just as abusers do not see themselves as being abusive” says Anna Sewell, a nineteen year law enforcement veteran and president of Omaha Self Defense and Elite Fitness. “Signs to be aware of would be inconsistent explanations on how they received an injury, alcohol abuse or bruises in various stages of healing (purple to green to yellow).  Women tend to apply large amounts of makeup or wear clothes out of season, ie, long sleeves or turtlenecks in the summer, to cover bruises” says Sewell.

Unfortunately, domestic violence can have a negative affect on children just as well.  Studies show that children who witness violence between their parents or caretakers will most likely pass the violence on to their generation.  According to the NCADV, boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults. 

What do you do if you or someone is in an abusive relationship?  The most important thing to remember is your safety and the safety of the children. DIAL 911 if you need immediate help!   It is important to have both a short and long-term plan.  Short-term measures could include assistance programs that will provide food, shelter and guidance after you have left your home. Sewell also suggests having a protection order on your abuser.  “If they violate the protection order, the police will have to arrest them” says Sewell.  She also suggests learning some type of self defense to protect you from harm.  “As a woman, my body is not designed to stand toe-to-toe with any man out there.  I don’t need to be able to fight with him; I just need to be able to get away from him which is what we teach, with the techniques of Commando Krav Maga”.  Sewell also suggests having a distress signal for your neighbors such as a specific cloth draped across the window or a duress word.  “When they see that cloth or hear that word, they know to call 911.”   Long-term measures include educating and empowering the victim to re-establish her life without violence.

There are several organizations available to help those who are in a domestic violence relationship.  Check your local telephone listing to become familiar with the ones in your immediate area.  Some National Domestic Violence organizations include:  The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY); Common Ground Sanctuary 800.231.1127; and HAVEN 877.922.1274

No one should be a victim of abuse.